I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
