I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
