So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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