Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
