sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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