Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
