Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
