i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
