So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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