I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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