Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
