I didn't shave. On purpose
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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