I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
