Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
