Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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