Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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