do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
