I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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