just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
