he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
