The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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