What did we do last night that was yellow?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
