i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
