just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
