I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
