I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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