every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
