This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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