so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
