So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
