But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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