I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
