there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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