we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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