xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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