Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
