I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
