the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
