It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
