Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
