Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
