I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
