...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
