And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
