My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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