i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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