YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
