btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
