I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
