I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
